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Some days are hard and cold as dungeon floors.
Some days are the sun rays that permeate the cell to kiss our skin and spirit.

Infuse with Enthusiasm

11/9/2017

5 Comments

 
I almost drank alcohol last night.  I was judging myself…again.  Instead of judging my book by its quality, I judged it and me by the number of books that I sold at my first two events.  I barely broke even.  Plus, there is the added stress that I submitted my book to a Hay House contest, with a contract and $10,000 as the prize, and the winners are announced today.  I was consumed with fear that my book was not going to be a winner.  I had dollar signs in my eyeballs.  And I was going to drink over it. 

I had decided to drink.  But, at the last minute, I filled my tummy with food instead.  I called my sponsor.  I have the best sponsor in the world.  She asked me, “Why did you write this book?  Why did you sacrifice your career to become a starving artist?  Why have you worked so hard for the past year?”  I thought about it.  “To help other abuse survivors”.  She replied, “Don’t lose sight of that dream!  Don’t put a monetary amount on your work!  Don’t let the number of books sold define your dream!  Don’t let Hay House define your dream!”

And then I saw it.  I remembered that my family and friends already look up to me, just because I wrote a book.  And because I have the courage to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to the world so that I can help others that are in my shoes.  Since my writing process began, I have said that my courage is my treasure.  I sincerely want to abolish every ounce of shame living inside innocents, tearing them apart as it tore me apart for decades.  SO MANY of my friends and acquaintances have expressed that they are so very proud of me.  I can't lose sight of that.

Then I remembered:  recently, two of my closest friends have come to me for advice when they were going through a really tough time.  They trusted me.  I listened, and then I shared my experience.  I lifted them up.  And that love is worth more than gold!  That feeling in my heart is worth more money than the world has.  Then I remembered that I have already been invited to speak at the Women Creating Our Futures conference in January.   Opportunities will come!

I realized my sponsor was right.  I had become impatient.  I had temporarily lost sight of my dream.  I lost sight of the love that will come to me by helping others.  That is the real reward of my book.  I trust my Higher Power to take care of the rest.  I have faith that THIS is what I am supposed to be doing.  So, this morning, I asked my angels to infuse me with the enthusiasm I had when I started writing.  And it has returned.  I love my angels. 

I did not win that contest.  And I am feeling good.  I have faith, and I trust.  Thank you Pat, Sheila and Diane.
5 Comments
Diane
11/9/2017 22:27:49

You are amazing!!

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Della Barbato link
11/12/2017 12:24:01

Thanks so much, Diane!

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quality essay writing link
4/19/2018 18:41:59

You learn more from losing than winning. You learn how to keep going. Losing is as it were brief and not all-encompassing. You must essentially think about it, learn from it, and attempt difficult not to lose the same way once more. At that point you must have the self-control to disregard almost it. In case you're willing to see at disappointment, and to see not fair at your out physical execution, but your inside workings, as well, losing can be important. How you carry on in those minutes can maybe be more self-defining than winning seem ever be. Some of the time losing appears you for who you truly are. It isn't continuously simple to be eager almost things in life, but living an excited life is continuously superior than not living one. So if you're feeling you'll use a few excitement in your work, recognize it and begin as before long as conceivable. Since the sooner you begin, the way better it’ll get.

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Joan link
11/10/2017 19:00:39

Della,
I applaud you for your strength in writing your story, and the energy you are putting forward to help others heal from their own past traumas. The books that we are writing may or may not become best sellers, but if our stories help even a few people with their struggle and allow some healing, we will have accomplished a lot. I wish you peace, and I am so glad you did not drink alcohol.
Joan

Reply
Della Barbato link
11/12/2017 12:25:50

Your words mean so much, Joan. Thank you!

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    Nobody promised life would be easy. Grab a cup of coffee, and we'll share the trials, tribulations and triumphs. Life's a little easier when you realize that others have gone before you.

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